Be Honest. Just why do Western men go in search of Slavic brides? This is all the more pertinent considering all the disadvantages there are to this course of action for both men and women. Then there’s the social problems associated with life in Eastern European countries. Just how do you keep yourself and your date safe? With such a mixed bag of issues, why do Eastern European (Slavic) women seek love with a foreign man? Read on to discover:
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The following gives an idea of one answer as to why single men from the West are looking for Slavic brides. One of the answers offered by a member of the “brotherhood of men” was:
“There are a number of reasons why I would say that a man (and woman) would have to be motivated by the idea that they can get something better.” Western men sign up to Ukrainian dating websites in search of beautiful Ukrainian women for many different reasons, as we shall see later.
However, their search for a reputable dating site may not be that simple. Men interested in international dating need to take great care in selecting legitimate Ukrainian dating sites. Men are warned not to share their personal data with any mail order bride services who do not have robust security features and fail to vet their user database. Take care as there are fake profiles [1] that are not of real Ukrainian women.
Even if you do choose reputable dating services, looking for romance, long-term relationships or, ultimately, one of the many Ukrainian brides on offer, you should probably consider some of the following disadvantages that you may experience along your romantic journey.
Disadvantages for Men and Women When Choosing a Slavic Bride
For most men, they lose a lot by seeking a wife in another country:
- Financial, and I am not just talking about plane fares and hotels. As most Western women work (70% or so and a much higher proportion among women younger than 50 and not on maternity leave), they contribute to the family income. It is rare that an Eastern woman will arrive in her new country and start working and making as much as a Western woman in the same profession that she had back home. This is mainly due to language issues.
- Emotional. A man marrying local ladies from another country will follow her on her emotional roller-coaster ride for over a year as she goes through culture shock. [2] This can be a pretty hellish experience in my opinion, even when it is a good marriage, and both love each other.
- Time. When you marry a foreign woman, you have to spend a great deal of time helping her get settled in, helping her do things that any woman from your country would already know how to do. How many American men or Canadian men, for example, have to teach their American or Canadian wives how to drive?
An Eastern woman will also be sacrificing a great deal for a foreign husband. This includes:
- A profession that they loved. As I noted, language issues may make it difficult for them to immediately start working in their old profession that they had in their country. Some are lucky and can immediately find a job in their chosen career, but I would estimate that these are the exceptions.
- Family and friends who will be thousands of miles away, which contributes to her culture shock. Remember, these Slavic women have very strong family values that are very family orientated. She, presumably, would need some pretty strong motivation to leave considering these factors.
You hope that she is leaving because she did not find any men that she considered good enough for serious intentions and married a foreigner because she considered him a better man than the local men she could date and marry. Much better than a woman who is motivated to leave simply for financial reasons and will use any man to achieve this goal. Nonetheless, if an Eastern woman considered that she could find a better man in her country, she would not marry a foreigner in most cases. Are you curious what your chances of success with a Ukrainian woman will be? Find out in minutes. Click here.
There are certainly many other disadvantages to both men and women marrying a foreigner. Given the disadvantages, somebody who is reasonable would need a very strong motivation to actively seek a foreign bride or husband who does not share their dating traditions. Also, they would have to really believe they can find someone a lot better than they could back home.
The main motivators
My conclusion, based on what I have read and seen here about the “brotherhood of men”, is that these women with their natural beauty is the main motivator. Western men hope to get someone prettier, thinner and perhaps younger. All things told; this is probably better than other options. I have met some guys in the past whose main motivation seemed to be their belief that Eastern women would somehow be more docile, submissive and controllable than women in their own country. Other potential options would be the desire to be a knight in shining armor, or perhaps cultural reasons (i.e. someone had a grandmother who was Russian).
There are some men who do not fall into these categories. Usually these are the men who worked overseas, and, while making new acquaintances, meet an Eastern woman and fall in love.
As for wanting a “traditional” woman, I would wager that most American men would have much better luck going to a small American town in one of their red states and looking for a woman who identifies herself as “Christian.” This is because the odds are likely much better that she will be truly more “traditional” than most of the Eastern women foreigners are likely to encounter.
Seeking a Slavic Bride. What 40 Years of Experience Taught Me.
The following are sobering comparisons made by an experienced “brotherhood of men” member.
I’ve spent more than 40 years of my life in Russia, St. Petersburg mainly but some 3-4 years in other parts, and altogether maybe 2 years in Ukraine (mostly Crimea), Georgia and Abkhazia.
I’ve been for a total of 1 year, I think, in Bulgaria, Hungary and Poland and the Baltic States. All of these were considerably safer, even for a foreigner when I was there, than the rest of the former Soviet Union countries, not excluding my beloved and native St. Petersburg.
Now I’ve lived 13+ years in the US and let me tell you – it IS safer. No, let me say it differently, here I feel and am safe, there – in Russia and Ukraine – I did not. Street smarts certainly help, but your US street smarts may not be what is needed even in some European countries, let alone the former Soviet Union countries.
The Police
Say you have a problem in the US: do you hesitate to call the police or turn to a police officer for help? I don’t think so. But it took me close to 2 years here to start doing this, and stop being scared of policemen. In Russia or Ukraine, the real street smarts would be to avoid them as far as possible. And never ever surrender your passport. It’s a very common ploy to take your passport to the precinct, and you’ll have to pay through the nose to get it back. You’ll never be able to understand what your “crime” was – I, a native, couldn’t…And there’s no presumption of innocence there, either.
Theft
Theft is much more prevalent in the former Soviet Union countries than in the US, which is the exact opposite of when it was the Soviet Union. [3] Do not leave your jacket on a chair when you go to wash your hands in a restaurant or to the dance floor in a club. Your date is sure to be smart enough not to leave her purse, but may assume that you know such things also, and not warn you. Do not leave nice gloves, a scarf, etc., say on the counter while you are examining some merchandise. Do not let grocery bags out of your hands. Etc., etc., etc. I could go on forever. My daughter-in-law just reported that my toddler grandson’s pretty mittens from my Christmas parcel were pinched from his stroller while she was paying for her groceries.
Have you ever heard of an American burglar stealing groceries or ordinary, not brand-new or expensive clothes? A Russian or Ukrainian burglar will take everything that he can carry that has even the slightest value – to sell or to consume.
My son – the one who lives in St. Petersburg with his family – when discussing with me my possible future visit, said that I’ll have to be led by the hand everywhere, otherwise I’ll be in trouble. I’ve lost my “Piter” street smarts after a long period of years in Chicago.
Be careful on the streets
I thought he was exaggerating, but this past summer my brother was in St. Petersburg for a month – after 1 day he always asked his friends or my son to accompany him. And he lived there for 60 years, and only came here in 2001. Go figure. A lot more people are drunk in the streets – including teenagers. Addicts are also quite a common occurrence, especially in Ukraine. Here they grow poppy crops for medical purposes, but much of the poppy straw etc. somehow lands in the drug markets not only in Ukraine, but as far as St. Petersburg and even Murmansk.
Second, teenagers are a lot less supervised, and though there isn’t gang violence as we know it here, there is a lot of motiveless violence which is delicately called “hooliganism.” This ranges from taking something from a child or a granny and kicking it around the street out of reach of the victim, to going 4-5 against one just because he (or she) “looked at them” in a way they didn’t like.
Bad neighborhoods in America
Another thing – in most American cities it’s enough (well, almost) not to go after dark to certain neighborhoods. If you don’t know where they are – there’s a very big chance, you’ll meet a patrol car and an officer who will very politely dissuade you from going there. This is my experience so far, and of all of my friends and colleagues. So, roughly speaking, if you do not want to meet with gang violence – do not go to their areas. Also, they tend to do mischief towards other gangs, not to passers-by. I worked for a year in a very nasty US city district with many gangs, Black and Hispanic, a poor area… pretty much a ghetto. I never had any problems – though admittedly I always left before 6 PM.
The former Soviet Union is different
In former Soviet Union countries’ cities there’s almost no such thing as a good area or bad neighborhood, etc. Not even a building or apartment complex, usually in the same building, can be considered good or bad. For example, there could be some awful communal apartments like in the projects but at the same time, including luxurious flats bought and refurbished by the affluent. And there is an awful lack of police in the streets. There is a saying that a police patrol is never there when you need it, and it’s true. And as often as not, they ARE a problem themselves.
So, what can I say? If one has an established and trusting relationship with one’s date – listen to her. Do not say “I want to go to this or that club, I’ve heard that it’s an interesting scene, etc.”. She may know that “interesting” does not start to describe it – but she may not have words to explain to you or may be ashamed to admit that her beloved city is less than perfect.
More advice
Somebody also posted a recommendation to go around in groups – say, 2-3 couples and an interpreter or two-and not go into dark alleys and courtyards to keep pretty safe. Be aware of groups of teenagers – any place, any time of the day. Unless they are obviously a school group or something like that, of course.
Do not play the hero – if possible, cross the street and go to some public place like a supermarket. If you are out too late to do that – run like crazy … your girl will know enough to run but may hesitate if you decide to confront them.
The thing to remember is that too many people there are very poor, desperate, and drown their sorrows in vodka. However humble your circumstances – for many people there you’ll seem to possess untold riches.
By the way, do not drink heavily in a bar or a restaurant. If it becomes too noisy and boisterous – it’s time to leave. Also, if someone starts paying too much attention to your date – it’s time to leave. Do not carry too much cash with you. It may be more expensive to change currency in a bank, but it’s heaps safer. Even so, my sons always go there to cash my money transfers, not only with their wives, but with a friend or two. People have been known to be killed for as little as $100.
In Defense of Russian Men
The following comes from the perspective of a young “brotherhood of men” member from Saint Petersburg.
In former Soviet Union countries, people belong to different social classes just as they do in the USA. People tend to stay within their social class and see a foreign country from that perspective. That said, the Western men who have a commercial interest in having Western men think that Russian men are terrible – are talking about one class, a small class that has its equivalent in the USA and in any other country.
I have visited the US, seen a variety of social situations, and really had a hard time seeing the differences that my hosts were able to spot from 40 meters away. Here in Russia, any local can see if someone is from their own social class (not to be confused with economic class), and they tend to shy away from those who, by training, are thought to be incompatible. ALL cultures have this ability. It is just a more complex task in Russia because of the sheer number of social classes that do not associate or intermarry.
Russian cities are not compartmentalized like those in the US
In large Russian cities, you do not observe the same degree of US compartmentalization – everyone shares the same metro, sidewalks and neighborhoods. Foreign visitors often ask me which areas and streets of St. Petersburg are safe – a logical and prudent question, given their lack of experience. However, they are not convinced when I tell them that there are no bad neighborhoods. They may go anywhere and see a mix of different people in any neighborhood.
Some classes are rather low in socialized behavior, and it is common to find drunks and abusive people there, but overall, that is a small portion of the population. I think those men and women who are claiming that an entire gender is bad or great or whatever, are talking about their more limited social set, and the level of their own acceptance by that group.
My compatible friends
My direct social activities are among men and women who are very compatible, including American men who have values, intellectual curiosity and personalities similar to ours. Their country makes no difference, their class, however, makes all the difference. My best male friend is an American who is very much Russian in temperament and personality. He fits perfectly into our social group but, since he is a foreigner, the clues as to what class he really belongs to are often confusing. So many different groups think he is one of theirs. But in reality, they are mistaken, due to just not recognizing the class-cluing we all go by to align our associations.
Russian men are not as bad as some claim
Being aware of that and looking for class clues is one of my interests: I study local cultural anthropology wherever I go. The Russian men I know are nothing as bad as some claim. For example, based on their use of language and reasoning skills, those I know are better educated or have more interest in intellectual matters. The men I know here are good-humored, kind-hearted, social and well-adjusted. They are successful, energetic, and a joy to be around. I am sure there are some men like that in the US, but in a smaller percentage than in large Russian cities.
The young men in particular are optimistic and loyal friends to us women, have passions for sports, business, study and culture. I go out frequently to socialize and, comparing their public behavior with that of Europeans or Americans, they are sober, reasonable and patient. They do not get into fights or arguments over trivial non-issues as I have seen in the US and England, where a favorite weekend pastime is to get drunk. The World Health Organization backs me up on that: the per-capita alcohol consumption in Russia is lower than the EU average, 3 times less than in Luxemburg, and much less than in Finland.
Russians drink less than the EU
There is a lot of drinking in some situations, but on the whole, Russians drink less (even including those who overindulge) than the per capita average for Germany and France. [4] That means a lot of people are quite moderate, most in fact are. So, to say a whole gender is prone to excess drinking reveals more about the scope of the observer and from which social class he finds himself in.
That said, there really are drunks to be seen on our streets – and derelicts around the outside of metro stations. Depression is a real problem in the rural areas, where older men have few options and job possibilities, but our cities have a high rate of mental balance and lack of stress compared to other large world cities.
One of the reasons young people drink so little compared to their US and UK counterparts is that here beer is not considered alcohol and so it is available to kids. Growing up with it makes it so commonplace that college students getting totally blind with drink, as in England just does not happen here. Go to clubs and you will see a lot of social drinking but few drunk kids. The drink of choice is imported, pricey beer, cocktails like B-52s, and Scotch. Vodka is not very popular with people of my age – 27 and younger.
That is the Russia and the Russian men I know. Where do you find such poor examples? Please do not expect to find gems in garbage cans. A class-by-class comparison of people from your neighborhood and their Russian equivalent might embarrass you.
Better to stay within your own social class
When men and women tell others “There are no good men [or women] here [or in any country]”, they are not saying that there are literally no good matches, rather that there are none of their own class in their social networks who would accept them.
The same exact thing is said and meant in the USA. There are more compatible women in your country than here in Russia. Yet you think that you can escape your confines by going where you think ALL hot-looking girls are compatible. That is a recipe for very bad times. Find a social class most similar to yours and search within that one, and you will likely find much more compatible women. Learning more about their culture, there is probably some reason why good women or good men pass on opportunities with the random girl or guy that you think is HOT. But you will not know until it is too late.
Mate selection is really complicated by physical attractiveness. It blurs the lines and causes a lot of mismatches. Even within a culture, stunning beauty is given the benefit of the doubt and assigned to a wide range of incompatible classes solely due to physical attractiveness.
Overall, young people are more social, better educated and well-mannered here. So, if you are not seeing that, you should seriously consider which other pool you’d better be fishing.
Why Would Slavic Women Look for Western Men Mates?
One of our “brotherhood of men” wrote:
My wife has given me a lot of reasons why she looked for a foreign man for marriage. [5] The point that she was looking for a partner for marriage and not just a boyfriend is key. My wife is definitely a beautiful woman and would have no problem getting a man in any country BTW. Why did she choose to put a profile on an International Marriage Broker Website and seek out a foreigner for marriage? For many reasons. I will try to list some here, but I can assure you this list is not inclusive. Would you like to know your real chances of marrying a Ukrainian woman? Click here to find out.
My wife’s reasons for seeking a foreign man
- For some reason my wife just did not view Russian men as a good option for marriage. She was simply not attracted to them in a relationship sense. Sure, she has had a few Russian boyfriends in the past, but for a number of reasons she did not desire to marry a Russian man. She has stated reasons of being too spoiled, unfaithful, drinking too much, no career, no opportunity, etc. etc.
- My wife had traveled to foreign lands in the past and she had seen the difference between her Russia and the rest of the world. My wife had a great job and lived relatively well compared to 95% of most people in her city. Even so, she still lived uncomfortably in comparison to her current life in the USA. She had to work 60-70 hrs. per week, deal with crappy roads in her Lada, and deal with constant dirt and mud all around everywhere in her town. The housing there leaves much to be desired for and usually only the very rich live in comfort comparable to the average American.
- Lack of opportunity in her country for her future children. She has a strong desire to have a family but could not imagine raising one in Russia. While there are more opportunities today than 15 years ago, there are still many opportunities to succeed that the average Russian simply does not have access to.
- Money – yes, money. While we are not filthy rich, we certainly live a comfortable life. Life here with me means she does not need to work, but she can if she wants. She does not need to worry about anything financial because I care for those things. Sometimes things are tight, and we need to be careful, but, for the most part, we do what we want, when we want, where we want. This type of freedom can only be achieved by having the income to do so and it is much easier to make good money here in the USA than in Russia.
- I saved the best for last: Love. Yes, true love. My wife was hoping to find her soulmate somewhere in the world. And we both tell each other very often that we are soulmates.
Now those are some of the reasons my wife has told me in the past that she ventured to look for her love internationally. There are more, I’m sure, but they escape me now.
The reasons why we chose each other
So … to answer your question as to what’s in it for them: at least for my wife it is a combination of many things…She found the man of her dreams (me), she lives a comfortable life with little stress and a lot of love. She has the opportunity to attend schools of her choice, work at jobs of her choice, travel and see the world at will, and to have nice things. These things were not all possible when she lived in Russia.
For me, my main reason for seeking a woman abroad was that I wanted to be married to one good woman instead of having a stream of different women and be one of those happy couples. I wanted my partner in life. Every, and I mean, EVERY single American woman I was in a relationship with seemed to be a competitor more than a partner. I was fed up with this way of thinking and wanted to meet new people. So, I started my search internationally. It did not take long to find my Elena.
The main reason I selected Russia to search is because there were so many thousands of beautiful women with marriage as their goal. With such a great number of these female members, quite simply, the numbers were in my favor. Age gap relationships are also possible. Would you like to know what a realistic age gap is for you? Click here. I viewed thousands of profiles and narrowed my search within a few days to the top 50 or so. Then I wrote the top 10. My Elena was one of those top 10 and since we first talked, we basically never looked back.
She has been here with me for a year, and we are extremely happy together. We are definitely one of the success stories.
References
[1] https://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/fake-dating-profiles
[2] Culture Shock | International Students and Scholars Office (ucsf.edu)
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/crime-in-the-soviet-union
[4] Russian alcohol consumption down 40% since 2003 – WHO | Russia | The Guardian
[5] Unlock the Secrets of Ukraine Dating: Why You’re More Desirable Here! – UkraineDating.ca