Whilst many Ukrainian women have genuine preferences for Western men, Western men still need to take heed lest they fall prey to unethical agencies or Green Card Girls. You need advice on navigating the international dating scene. Read on to discover:
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Do Eastern European (Slavic) Women Prefer Western Men? One Ukrainian Woman’s Perspective.
First, my wish to live in the West is not related to economic conditions. Wishing to live in the West is one thing, wishing to have a serious relationship with a man of my own is another thing. These things do not necessarily coincide for me. Attraction counts, so I will talk about personal attraction only.
Men from the West are more appealing for international dating
Men from the West are just more appealing to single girls like me. They are people who grow up under normal conditions, whereas Russian men grow up under abnormal conditions. It’s written on Russian men’s faces. Hardship, deprivation and denigration may have taken their toll and made a negative impact on their personality. Men from the West, however, generally look happy: they appear to lead a satisfying, pleasant, comfortable life, and are open, easy-going, optimistic – at least they give this impression. If you’re curious what your chances of success with a Ukrainian woman will be, click here.
Russian men don’t smile, they often display super-sober, even grumpy faces. My female instincts don’t like it at all. I have seen and had enough soberness; I want to enjoy life. Therefore, I’m naturally attracted to people who enjoy their life. I have written it somewhere already – Russian men look like life has been beaten out of them.
Western men retain their vitality
Another big advantage of foreign men over Russian men is that even in their 40s and 50s, foreign men seem to hardly lose any of their vitality. With advancing time, Russian men quickly and drastically lose their vitality. This is especially noticeable at high-school reunions. I could barely recognize my former classmates 15-20 years after graduating. Where have all their sparks and laughs gone? Sad, meaningless eyes, disinterested faces.
Western mentality
Last but not least, the trait that I personally like in men from the West is their mentality. I appreciate their being reasonable and considerate, not reckless like some Russian men. Democracy and perhaps Protestantism fostered accuracy and moderation and equally respectful treatment for everyone irrespective of his/her position and wealth. It’s a long way for Russian society to achieve at least a fraction of this mentality.
Mind you, I’m speaking about the foreign men I have met, mostly middle-class professionals, i.e., people who earn their living by using their skills and education. I cannot say anything about upper-class or working-class men from the West. There is however one area where a Russian man would be preferable: communications.
Language issues
When I talk in Russian to a Russian, I am sure that 100% of my message will be understood to the tiniest nuance, exactly how I want it to be. With a foreign man, I need to make some extra effort because I cannot understand each and every little detail or nuance of the conversation. Therefore, I feel somehow limited in expressing myself to a man from the West, which is a disadvantage.
Beware of Some Introductory Letters from Beautiful Ukrainian Women
The experience and conclusions of a “brotherhood of men” member:
Having tried and failed with a variety of Ukraine dating sites, I think I may have some valuable insight, especially for beginners on Ukrainian dating. …Ukrainian online dating sites that require payment to open an introductory letter should be avoided like the plague. Even if the Ukrainian girls actually read a guy’s profile and write personal introductory letters, it is almost certain that as a relationship progresses the Ukrainian dating site will eventually try to interfere, especially if the Ukrainian girls are popular and generating a lot of revenue.
Avoid girls published on many different sites
Any Ukraine dating agency that publishes their Slavic girls on many different sites, whether they send letters or not, should absolutely be avoided. It’s not that they are fake profiles, but the chances that the Ukrainian girl is reading all or any of the letters her profile generates is slim to none. This would not happen on a legitimate Ukrainian dating site. It is not difficult to research if a Ukraine lady is posted on many sites, you just have to put in the time to find her.
Letters written that are not personal
Frankly, Slavic girls that send introductory letters that are not personally written to each individual man they are sent to should probably be avoided. I had this experience on a Ukrainian dating site where I received an introductory letter from a beautiful woman but, after reviewing HER profile, I determined I did not meet HER criteria for age, height and weight or interests.
I asked the Ukrainian dating site owner to investigate and was told the Ukrainian lady was in fact interested, so I responded. The second letter from the Ukrainian lady did not respond to any of my questions and was clearly a form letter. I did not write to her again. Months later I found the same Ukrainian woman on a different dating website through a different agency and received a generic introductory letter from her. I thought, WTF is up with her?
Use a site where you can see the young ladies who have viewed your profile
Some online dating services have advanced features for the user to be able to check and see who has viewed his profile. The ONLY Ukraine dating site I still use has this tool. I get a lot of introductory letters on this particular site which has a policy that allows agencies to send introductory letters for single girls.
However, if I do not see that my profile was viewed by the lady, I do not read the letter, even though it is free to read the first letter. In these situations, it is obvious to me that the marriage agency is trying to generate revenue and the chances I will be corresponding with a greedy agency manager or terp is too high to take the chance.
What real letters look like
Since I stopped using agency dating sites and have pursued contacts via other methods there have been a number of very interesting differences in the quality of the communications.
I would like to mention the main differences. First and foremost, the Ukraine women who are not really interested make it clear very quickly. There is no drawn-out letter writing with silly questions. They either like me or not. That helps a lot when selecting from amongst the single ladies.
Then, even more interestingly…the single women who ARE interested are far more open and engaging. They ask a lot more direct and specific questions and are far more open and revealing in answering my own questions. Many of them are totally open to age-gap relationships. Would you like to know what a realistic age gap is for you? Click here.
Some agency girls are forced to write letters
I have determined that agency girls on Ukrainian dating sites are being coached and even pushed to write when they are not interested just to keep the revenue flowing. The Slavic ladies are required by their membership contract to answer EVERY letter they get.
It is just not possible for a popular Ukrainian woman to answer all those letters without help, help in the guise of agency managers and terps…ultimately the lady has no idea who “she” is writing to and when a guy shows up “she” may know little or nothing about him. It is a BIG shock for the man when that happens.
Unethical agencies take advantage of all parties
I found the particular girl I previously mentioned on a free site, and we have since struck up a nice friendship and do video chatting frequently on Yahoo. She has been trying for a year to have her profile and contact details removed from the marriage agency site, but nothing happens.
BTW the line that many agencies use that the ladies do not have access to computers and the Internet is rapidly becoming less and less true. Personally, I believe the agencies are peddling mostly the bottom dwellers at this point.
Conclusion
Once I broke free of my “addiction” to marriage agency girls, I have found many Slavic ladies with great careers and reasonable financial means sufficient to get themselves on the Internet, many of whom have been to the USA or Europe on their own and have the visa stamp in their passport or meet the requirements to get one.
The marriage agency is a dinosaur. The sooner they cease to exist the better for everyone because in their desire to make easy money they have succeeded in alienating a lot of men and women to the entire idea of serious relationships and international marriages.
How agencies discredit the entire concept
By creating “beauty standards” for the Slavic girls, yet with no standards for the men. By accepting money from men when they know good and well that the man will not succeed with his chosen girls. By sending fake letters and interfering in relationships. By paying girls to join and keeping them interested with beauty shows, contests, giveaways and pay-offs on gift and letter revenue. And finally, by using bait and switch tactics to generate more revenue with men who have crossed the ocean. These agencies discredit the entire international dating concept.
Wake up Delusional Men Seeking an Eastern European (Slavic) Bride
From theory to practice – A condensed case history
Theoretical advice may eventually become boring and hard to remember in its details, so a recent true-life experience can perhaps bring home the same points more vividly. The following contains a condensed version of one “brotherhood of men” member’s international dating experience.
The counter arguments offered by a member to two other members complaining of having been the blameless victims of Green Card Girls:
You may have made six trips to Eastern European countries and Harry “courted” his wife for four years, but both you and Harry know doodly squat about the Eastern European women you were marrying. There is no excuse for what a Green Card Girl does to a single man, yet to say that the man bears no responsibility for his fate is as silly as Harry first cussing out the Consular officer in Moscow for delaying his wife’s visa and then, a few years later, blaming the USCIS interviewer for not knowing that his marriage was a sham and handing his wife a Green Card. I could write a thesis on this, and it would be ignored, misunderstood, and taken out of context, but here it goes, anyway. With apologies to the mathematicians here, a simple formula for disaster is:
Lonely Western Men + Desperate Eastern Women = Train Wreck
First, to be fair, you and Harry could never have gotten to know your different Ukrainian women prior to marriage as well as “normal” couples in serious relationships do, because your Ukrainian brides made it a priority to hide their true selves.
The signs were all there
Yet what’s apparent from reading about events prior to all of these train wrecks, is that these Green Card Girls are always as cold as ice, indifferent, and do little more than go through the motions once they’ve flashed a winning smile, spread their legs, and shown a minimum of interest in the foreign men courting them.
They’ll keep up this half-hearted effort for the length of courtship, with flashes of warmth whenever a gift arrives, or a vacation is offered. This occasional affection is just enough to keep the men’s self-deception machine running smoothly. They’ll use communication tools such as a daily SMS or a by- rote email every few days, but it’s funny how they often have an excuse why they can’t talk on phone calls as often as you’d like, isn’t it?
At this point it’s obvious to everyone – except the men in question – that the Eastern woman has little interest in him and he’s chasing the moon. But that pretty face and the occasional scraps she tosses his way are enough to keep him committed. And since she’s 5,000 miles away, his friends and family who could see them together – and instantly note the lack of chemistry – are of no use until it’s too late.
See the other side of your Green Card Girl
Once a Green Card Girl arrives in the US, she feels more secure and can shed some of those annoying pretentions she had to adopt to help fuel her fiancé’s deception. That’s when she starts sleeping in another room – doing this during courtship on her own soil would have been too risky, but she’s emboldened now.
She has her own friends, and contrary to what Harry thinks – that she has told her friends lies about what a terrible guy he is – she has in fact been perfectly honest with them. The reason they’re cold to him is that they understand his wife’s motivation and tacitly support her.
They may not go around ruining people’s lives for gain like she does, but they don’t judge her for it. Also, getting to know Harry might stir some uncomfortable feelings of sympathy once she lowers the boom on him, so best to keep him at arm’s length.
I know these things by experience
I wish I could say that my opinions on this subject were shaped only by reading discussion boards. But I dated beautiful women like Harry’s wife and saw things from both Harry’s side as a potential mark and later when I unwittingly dated some Ukrainian women who were unhappily married to men from the West.
The bottom line is that the signs are always there in boldface yet, to paraphrase the Bible: “There are none so blind as those who will not see.” Guys who meet online with Green Card Girls attribute these signs to cultural differences and bend over backwards making excuses for their Ukrainian women.
I make no excuses for Ukrainian ladies who take advantage of lonely and naive men, they’re the scum of the earth. But to create this impression that men all over are vulnerable to their charms and that those of us who managed to marry good women were simply lucky – or that we’re headed for the same fate as you and Harry someday – is mean-spirited poppycock. Green Card Girls aren’t Oscar-winning actresses, and their talent is nothing more than a pretty face.
What love & marriage to my Eastern European bride taught me
An unusual but sensible piece of advice from a “brotherhood of men” member married to an Eastern woman follows:
It’s no secret that it’s of paramount importance that you get to know single Ukrainian women as well as you possibly can prior to proposing. That point is driven home time and again here by married members. Yet all our new guys seem to worry about is how to know if they’re being scammed or how to know if their Ukrainian girls are sincere. There’s an ocean and several landmasses between that and asking her to marry you. Yet time and again guys have an excuse as to why that’s not happening in their situation.
Want to avoid a debacle? Want to avoid having your fiancée reach out to green card-savvy Ukrainian ladies for an escape plan, before she even steps on the airplane to come join you?
Get to know each other properly
We often talk a lot about how important it is for guys meeting Ukrainian women to know their woman before proposing, but I think it’s even more important that you do whatever needs to be done so that your girl knows you as well as humanly possible before you ask for her commitment. It seems to me that too often guys are completely oblivious to this in even the most mundane ways. For instance, there’s great value in such basic things as a good argument or two during your courtship.[1]
Arguments are revealing
If you’ve never had a growler with your fiancée, how will she know how you will handle yourself when the inevitable argument happens – particularly when it happens when she’s thousands of miles from family and friends? Will you deal with conflict by hitting her (a genuinely valid concern given the environment she grew up in)? Will you hide her passport? Will you forbid her from seeing her friends?
Now, you really can’t be naive enough to think that your week or two of visits, plus the occasional gifts and romantic emails, are enough to put these fears to rest. Can you? In the past I’ve seen some guys smugly announce that they’ve never had an argument with their fiancée – well duh, outside of emails and phone calls, you haven’t spent more than a week or so with her, not even enough time to get on each other’s nerves! You shouldn’t be bragging about this; you should be worried about it.
Your performance under stress, your temperament, and your day-to-day mood are all suspect. Hell, everything outside of your happy-go-lucky vacation attitude will be a question mark until you’ve been living together for some time. Many women may not discuss this with you, but as her visa interview date approaches, she is thinking about it. A lot.
On top of all this, Ukrainian girls have a million other fears – language, culture, finance – the list goes on and on. Does she have 100% faith in you to help her? Can she answer that question?
Is it any wonder then, why newly engaged women turn to their own online communication forums to meet experienced Ukrainian women who will help them, should this stranger they agreed to marry or this new life they chose turn out to be not as advertised? Taking this a little further, is it any surprise that the Ukrainian ladies who hand out such advice come to see all men who marry with such foolish expectations as jackasses of a feather, and thus are just as happy helping those Ukraine women who are truly in need as they are helping Green Card Girls?
I’m certainly not justifying this behavior, it’s disgusting, but guys in this situation didn’t wake up one morning to find themselves cast in the middle of a bad soap opera. There’s a pathology here, traceable right back to the relationship’s origins. If you want to take shortcuts because (use this space to fill in whatever makes you and your fiancée special, at least until her green card arrives), please be aware that there are consequences.
A Different Language Environment
Language difficulties as related by a “brotherhood of men” member married to an Eastern woman was particularly revealing because of his previous experience with reversed roles. This probably made him appreciate language difficulties much more vividly than others could possibly do.
He knows what a lack of language feels like
I can personally relate to what she will experience when she comes to the US, because when I first moved to Ukraine my Russian was very limited. Over time and with classes, I became more fluent. It was extremely difficult at first because there was so much I wanted to say but couldn’t, and it wasn’t just the language I had to learn, but a whole new system of doing things.
Feeling like a child
I felt like a child most of the time. The sense of isolation was horrible. Even when I could follow conversations, I couldn’t really contribute much because by the time I had the meaning down and had formed a comment, they had moved on. Even in Spanish, in which I am very fluent and have been for many years, I still struggle with the deeper meanings of things.
You, of course won’t be fluent in Russian. If my wife hadn’t been fluent in English, I don’t know if I could have survived. Many times, I felt like buying the next ticket home. Now add all of this to a new marriage, a new country and system, loss of friends and family, and you can see how much a lack of English skills magnifies the difficulties in a relationship.
Lack of language realities
Even as her English gets better, the more in depth you go on a topic, the more you will need to rely on a dictionary or electronic translator to get the real meaning across and even those aren’t near perfect. Imagine trying to have a deep philosophical discussion where every couple of minutes you need to drag out the dictionary. Eventually you just get tired and end the conversation.
A language you don’t know well can be exhausting
Another thing I found was that the process of really paying attention in another language just wears you out mentally. It doesn’t come as effortlessly and naturally as in your native language. Doing this all day can really make one exhausted. Imagine when she is first here and adjusting, the toll such mental exhaustion will have on her overall attitude and energy levels.
Your ability to truly get to know her will only go forward as fast as her abilities in English improve. Even now, with my adequate Russian, my wife’s English skills, knowing my life partner for 5 years, me having spent two years in Ukraine and her having spent over a year here, some topics are difficult to discuss and, to be honest, are skirted around.
I know there are many who, having found the perfect woman, have leapt this hurdle and now are one of the many success stories with a successful marriage, but I think that each and every one will say that it was more difficult and required a huge expenditure of patience on the part of both parties. Russian women require a tremendous amount of patience, even without this added issue. I think there are more failed relationships due at least in part to the language barrier [2] then there are relationships that have overcome it.
Any relationship is a gamble. In addition to the issues, you face with any new relationship, in this case you already have the long-distance issue, the cultural issue, the acceptance by friends and family issue, the limited time together issue, in some cases the age difference issue and so on and so on.
There is no substitute for experiencing dating and marrying a Slavic woman
The advice of a “brotherhood of men” member married to an Eastern woman:
Is there not almost a consensus from the married men members here, that they got amazing soul mates? This is a high risk, high reward scenario. Our best defense is taking the time to learn and learn to minimize that risk as much as possible. Meet Ukrainian girls and find a perfect match with the same goals, outlooks, interests, and that treats you with respect and care. Be honest with yourself and improve yourself. Are you curious to know your real chances of marrying a Ukrainian woman? Click here.
I think if people took as much time being committed to making each other happy as they did about being deceived then the risk would be mitigated even more IMO. It is truly a very cold and mean person that would hurt someone on purpose that they like and care about. If they truly love the person, then that is just a plain stupid person at that point.
Look at what complaints come out of the real Ukrainian women that divorce a foreign man and learn from them. There seem to be common themes. If you care about the person, then care enough to learn from others also – and any woman in general, if you know what is good for you.
Be genuinely encouraging
You made at least one trip to the Eastern European countries, so you should know how difficult some of the most basic tasks here are to perform there. There is a thin line between being encouraging and being condescending. First, allow them to make a mistake and then be there to help IMO. I do not know many people that want to be treated as a child when they are an adult. If you minimize the pride that they get from achieving goals or as who they are as a person, then you minimize everything you are to that person.
Think long and hard and dedicate yourself to the success of that person in your motherland. Not to your definition but to theirs, and ensure they have a sense of purpose here. Set expectations as to what your life is here and what their life is going to be like here. None of this goes away once they are here, it becomes exponentially greater once they step onto foreign soil.
The truth is the truth, and we know enough what the unrealistic lifestyle of Hollywood is – not what we have to offer. Perception is reality until they get here. Take the time to make sure that they have the best understanding of what real life entails in your life.
Final words
I prefer to know Ukrainian ladies by how they live every day. I really did not want to turn things into a vacation. Get into the trenches everyday with them. The best way to know a person is to walk in their shoes. Take a genuine interest in the life they have and experience it. Why spend your time in false pretenses of a tourist agenda, when you can live and breathe reality? I hope it would help some gain a real appreciation for the person they are marrying. Sure, this route is not possible for you on the first trip as it was for me. You can, though, ask to see places and do things that they love to do in their city that many tourists would never even know about.
Do not marry Ukrainian singles with children, if you are not prepared to love them as your own. If you do not love them like she loves them, then you are in fact making her feel like you do not love her as much as she thought. How can you love a person, and then not love something that came from that person just as much? It’s difficult to explain; I hope I gave it justice.
In closing, it takes TWO people committed to make it work. Look for actions, not just words.
THE END
References
[1] https://joyful-couple.com/blogs/blog-and-tips/arguments-are-they-bad-or-good-in-a-relationship [2] https://www.oldtruth.com/how-language-barriers-can-affect-relationships/