Not sure how to go about finding your perfect Slavic bride? Do you need some advice on the different routes to find your perfect woman? Read on and discover:
- How to Effectively Navigate International Marriage Brokers, Marriage Agencies and Online Dating Websites.
- The History of Mail-Order-Brides.
- How Young of a Ukraine Wife Can I Catch?
- Considerations When Choosing Slavic Women for Marriage.
How to Effectively Navigate International Marriage Brokers, Marriage Agencies and Online Dating Websites
Most international, as well as local, dating/marriage agencies are not philanthropic societies but business ventures: they will help you contact whoever strikes your fancy for monetary consideration, and in many cases, client service and client satisfaction do not occupy top places in their business model, regardless of their oft-repeated assurances to the contrary – if these assurances are expressed at all.
In 2010, there were over 400 International Marriage Brokers [1], and today that figure is more than 500, totaling over 1.5 million Eastern women’s profiles. It’s not a cottage industry by any standard and, unfortunately, as it often happens where money is involved, it is an industry where all sorts of types may be encountered, both shiny and shady.
Always bear in mind that any business activity costs money to maintain, and in some way, it must therefore generate revenue – and preferably profits – to survive. The basic problem is how and where to address your inquiries with a moderate certainty of receiving fair service for a fair fee.
International Marriage Bureau (IBM) websites operate in various ways, but with most:
- Western men and Eastern women can join for free on a basic membership scheme, and publish their profile, photo(s) and mate preferences.
- Variously named ‘feelers’ – winks, teases, etc. – may be sent to test agreeability to further contact.
- Correspondence can be exchanged (Western men can often read a first Eastern women’s letter for free, but thereafter, either a higher type of membership, a pay-per-period subscription or a pay-per-letter fee is required).
- Eastern women’s Letters are sent periodically for free to subscribers, listing local women members.
- Many also provide a text-based or video chat service, usually for a fee.
Totally free International Marriage bureau websites also exist, usually relying on advertisements for their revenue, but the Slavic women represented there may be of VERY mixed type (and scammers often abound, a category with more details below). They should be used with EXTREME caution and discrimination, if at all. However, “a gem can be found even among the dirt” too, as the saying goes.
In our opinion, you had best avoid IMBs where:
- Profiles offer scant/insufficient information, such as:
- No indication of a screening/identity confirmation process before acceptance of registration.
- No indication of or vagueness about Eastern women’s marital status/children/known foreign languages/occupation, etc.
- Age rather than birth date (Eastern women never age there, despite passing time!).
- Too many Eastern women’s profiles (say, 50,000+) are mentioned as a distinct advantage. These mega International Marriage Broker sites often collect profiles from smaller, local ‘feeder’ agencies, and therefore cannot have any effective screening control in place.
- Eastern women are touted exaggeratedly, e.g., as romantic wife material with ideal virtues, totally dissimilar in fundamental values from their Western sisters, etc. – which is mostly International Marriage Broker self-serving hype.
- Communications are received from Slavic women not meeting Western Men’s profile-stated preferences – a possible sign of International Marriage Broker automated letter-writing.
In general, the more information, the better, as is always the case when ‘buying’ anything, MOBs included.
Many IMBs also offer guided tours, or ‘romance tours’, to the former Soviet Union countries’ cities they operate in. Here, they stage socials at local restaurants/clubs where participating Western men will meet a number of Slavic ladies who, in most cases, have no serious intentions and are just interested in a free night out rather than in meeting, having a big wedding and relocating to a different country with a Western man.
Our consensus is: if you must use an IMB, let it be a reputable and therefore trustworthy one, preferably where direct contact information such as e-mail/postal addresses and phone numbers may be obtained for a reasonable fee (i.e., most dating agencies), thereby freeing yourself of the interested middleman (i.e., most marriage agencies) once you have discovered a promising candidate who you would like a long-distance relationship with. Are you curious what your chances of success with a Ukrainian woman will be? Click here to find out in minutes.
Choose your International Marriage Broker Reservoir(s) with care. Although even a dubious one may turn out to be fruitful eventually, because:
- There are bad Eastern women on good International Marriage Broker Websites, as well as good Eastern women on bad International Marriage Broker Websites.
The History of Mail-Order-Brides
The term mail-order bride (MOB) was first used in 1620 [2], when men fared afar in search of better life opportunities, and eventually their need for a companion and life partner – preferably from their original countries – resulted in a wife being shipped over. The only advance information often consisted at best of a blurred monochrome, sepia-tinted photograph supporting the recommendations of distant relatives and matchmakers.
Needless to say, the term is strongly resented as offensive by Eastern women looking for foreign husbands. Often, these women face the disapproval of friends and relations for simply putting themselves on display on a local dating/marriage site or an Eastern women’s Paper. Also, these 1800s international variants of mail-order brides may be further frowned upon as unpatriotic, disloyal, etc. So don’t make the mistake of using it when referring to them.
As we have noted above, nowadays the alternative available to most for finding a long-term relationship with women from Slavic countries is using the services of IMBs. Would you like to know your real chances of marrying a Ukrainian woman? Click here. They may also offer dating tips, including how to negotiate the cultural peculiarities of Eastern European women, which will help to break down the cultural barrier between international couples. IMBs can be used in either or both of two ways, usually for free:
- Navigating their websites – and using their search engines, where available – to examine and select profiles of possibly interesting Eastern women of different nationalities.
- Posting your own profile on one or more of their websites, to let Eastern women examine and perhaps select your profile as possibly interesting.
Selecting Eastern Women’s Profiles
Some points to consider while examining Eastern women’s profiles on International Marriage Broker Websites:
Eastern Women’s Photos
We have already remarked how Eastern women’s looks may be one of the primary selection criteria for Western men which means, at this initial stage, the photos that Eastern women attach to their International Marriage Broker profiles. In general, it is advisable to bypass profiles altogether with:
- Photos showing Eastern women in scant/revealing clothing. Eastern women, particularly if over 30, are usually modest about revealing themselves to total strangers. Remember, it’s the Internet. Who knows who may be lurking there and why?
- Professional-looking photos, obviously taken in a studio with judicious lighting, fancy backdrops and careful make- up/attire, may have been taken:
- At the International Marriage Broker premises at their urging, for free, or for a fee.
- At the Eastern women’s initiative, at a cost that not many can easily afford.
These photos deserve the same thoughtful consideration, since they may imply a self-marketing attitude, albeit not necessarily dishonest. Ask yourself: “Does she seem to be trying TOO hard?”
Also, if this type of photo has required substantial investment, some Eastern women may tend to use and re- use it for as long as it takes to finally attract a desired suitor – which may even mean years – and thus show a likeness that has actually changed in the meantime.
In any case, profiles showing natural photos and natural makeup, even if poorly made and not totally flattering, preferably portraying Eastern women in different situations/locations, usually deserve more trust as better revealing an Eastern woman’s true nature, personality and life circumstances than professional-studio glamour shots.
Most “brotherhood of men” members who have gone on to meet Eastern women in person, have reported that in cases where candid, natural profile photos were used, the women were far more attractive in real life than their photos initially suggested, while the opposite was often true for those who were using studio shots.
Last but not least, it pays to make sure that those profile photos really belong to the Slavic women in question. For instance, by asking for additional photos in subsequent correspondence or, better yet, by arranging a video-chat session.
Many former Soviet Union countries’ flower-delivery services offer the extra option of taking photos of an Eastern woman receiving your gift of flowers. Remember to order an odd number, as even numbers are used for funerals. This can also be a way to check what your Eastern woman looks like in a usually unexpected situation.
Some IMBs also offer this service but may be less trustworthy and/or their Eastern women may have been warned of the impending delivery. Also, be aware that Eastern women who have been searching for an extended period of time are probably well aware of why the flower-deliverer insists on taking her picture and may even take offense when it occurs.
And if those photos are indeed hers, by all means don’t fall in love with her photos yet. You may not realize what is really behind that pretty face – or other attractive body parts.
How Young of a Ukraine Wife Can I Catch?
Apart from her beautiful features, possibly the second major criterion that foreign men usually apply when selecting European beauties is her age, which brings us to the hotly debated and as-yet-unresolved issue of age differences or age gaps. [3]
Many IMBs blithely assert that women from Baltic countries accept, and even deliberately seek, substantial age differences in their foreign husbands because they trust mature men more than less-experienced youths, perpetrating the myth of the old man happily marrying a much younger girl depicted in a famous Russian painting from almost 150 years ago.
Some married “brotherhood of men” members are as much as 30-40 years older than their Eastern women spouses, so no rule fits all. However, in cases like these, careful consideration should be given by both members of the couple to the statistical probability of the Eastern woman remaining alone at a certain future age, and to preparing for the consequences of such an event. Would you like to know what a realistic age gap is for you? Click here to find out.
Also, remember that with a visibly significant age gap, you should always be prepared for possible awkward moments and embarrassing remarks by friends, relatives, associates or chance encounters – “Your daughter looks really nice in that outfit!”. The joy of having a much younger woman hanging from your arm may be soured by how she is initially perceived, or by the unexpected appearance of a queue of envious male ‘admirers’.
Is there an ideal age difference? A formula has even been proposed to calculate it:
Woman’s Age = (Man’s Age/2) + 7 years
which means, for instance, that a 30 y.o. man should seek a 22 y.o. woman.
Another approach considers the percentual age difference more significant than that expressed by an absolute number – a 10-year difference between a 30 y.o. man and a 20 y.o. girl (+50% of her age for the girl, -33% of his age for the man) is clearly not the same thing as between a 50 y.o. man and a 40 y.o. woman (+25% for the woman, -20% for the man).
The results of the “brotherhood of men” Cross-Cultural Marriage Survey show that a 9-year age difference is often observed in Western men-Eastern women marriages.
We cannot really offer any conclusive advice on this connection, save for suggesting that you should have discussed all possible implications and be both comfortable with whatever combination you find yourselves in.
Considerations When Choosing Slavic Women for Marriage
Does she have children?
Many Slavic women with profiles on International Marriage Broker Websites have one or more children, whom they may have raised on their own after a divorce or having been abandoned by/having left a former mate. The results of the “brotherhood of men” Cross-Cultural Marriage Survey show that half of the Eastern women who married a Western man had had a previous local marriage, and a third of them had children from a previous local marriage.
Remember that Eastern women are usually fiercely possessive and defensive of their progeny, and will often place their interests above all else, so be prepared to receive less attention from them than in the case of still-childless Eastern Women.
However, this is often counterbalanced by their delight when discovering that a Western man can be genuinely fond of and warm to her children from a previous relationship. This is contrary to the general attitude of her male compatriots, who often do not consider their personal problem/responsibility any children not of their own.
By the way, if you are not looking to have a lot of children, women from the Czech Republic are a good choice. Their fertility rate is similar to American ladies at about 1.7 children. [4]
Eastern Women’s Occupations
An important but often underestimated factor that may influence your selection is your candidate, Eastern women’s current occupation or profession. You should find out, before she arrives in your country, if:
- She has a career that she intends to continue pursuing.
- Re-qualifying for her current profession is a realistic proposition, or if she is interested in changing to a different profession.
You must remember that former Soviet Union countries’ school diplomas and academic titles are not automatically recognized in most Western countries. They may require a long period of re-schooling and exams – in her occupational field as well as in language proficiency – before she is allowed to operate again as she did in her home country.
The results of the “brotherhood of men” Cross-Cultural Marriage Survey shows that about 70% of the Eastern women who married foreign grooms possessed a university-level education.
In general, the higher her professional title, the more demanding the requirements for requalification. The practice of law and medicine are typical examples of this problem.
Eastern Women’s Religion
When going through Eastern women’s profiles, you will notice that if ‘Religion’ is among their biographical data, their answer will usually be Christian, meaning Orthodox Christian.
You should remember that for more than 30 years during Soviet times, religion was discouraged, discriminated against and even persecuted.
However, during the worst years of WWII, Stalin saw it as a useful tool to bolster the country’s unity in the face of the successful German advances. He relented the official atheist stance – even seeking the support of Moscow’s Patriarch – only to resume the previous official attitude after WWII was victoriously finished.
Whatever places of the cult were still left open to religious practice, their attendance consisted mostly of babushkas (grandmothers, i.e., old Russian women) still clinging to habits from pre-Revolutionary times.
The Orthodox religion has shown a marked resurgence in the past 20 years or so. Its churches and cathedrals have been restored throughout the former Soviet Union countries and enjoy increasing popular attendance. To cite just one example, Moscow’s Cathedral of Christ the Savior – a temple dedicated to Russia’s 1812 victory over Napoleon, built over a period of 40 years (1839-1883) and blown up at Stalin’s orders in 1931 – was rebuilt from rubble in 2000:
- Destroyed, 1931
- Reconstructed, 2000
Considering the long gap in former Soviet Union countries’ religious worship, you cannot expect most Eastern Women to be as profoundly devout as the members of certain Western Christian sects due to their different backgrounds. They may be surprised at your attending religious services regularly.
One or Many?
Another hotly debated and as-yet-unresolved issue is whether one should concentrate on one Eastern woman only or more, i.e., whether the approach should be ‘Write One, Visit One’ or ‘Write Many, Visit Many’ (WOVO vs. WMVM for short), both have advantages and disadvantages:
WOVO Advantages:
- Having more ‘face’ time together to get to know each other.
Disadvantages:
- If your eventual meeting goes sour for whatever reason/whoever’s fault, having put all of your eggs in the wrong basket may leave you stranded alone in a foreign city, with no friends and in a seriously disappointed mood from having wasted your time and money.
WMVM Advantages:
- More Eastern women to choose from, thereby ‘spreading’ the risk of possible rejections/failures.
Disadvantages:
- More complicated logistics and time management
- Having to decide whether to tell your candidates that they are not your one and only candidate – a matter of honesty that should be given careful thought, as well as a question of expediency.
The choice of either method must really suit your personality: some are more comfortable with one than the other and should follow their natural inclinations rather than look for a mythically foolproof rational solution.
Interpreting Eastern Women’s Profiles
Assuming you have followed a Western man’s standard operating procedure, i.e., your attention was captured by the photo(s) of an Eastern woman on some International Marriage Broker Website, your next natural step would be to read her other profile information beside the basic data on her age and children we mentioned above, to try and guess what is behind/beneath her attractive image, agreeable age and status.
Another very important item to consider is her level of fluency in your own language – unless you are fluent in Russian yourself – since good communication is essential to determine if an acceptable minimum of character compatibility exists between you two.
Eastern women often tend to overrate their proficiency in a foreign language, but this should be apparent from her profile data, particularly from those free-text sections with titles like Personal Description, Favorite Hobbies/Activities, Looking For, etc. unless these were compiled by International Marriage Broker’s staff rather than directly by the Eastern woman herself.
If she writes her profile texts herself, be aware that you may come across some quaint/puzzling expressions that are due to her imperfect grasp of the language she is using – in most cases, English.
Posting Your Profile
If you decide to post your biographical data on International Marriage Broker Websites, you should, in your self-description:
- Use simple language and refrain from slang/colloquial expressions that may not be understood by your Eastern women readers.
- Be as honest, sincere and accurate as possible – so as not to engender unrealistic expectations.
- Be reasonably concise – always better to state a bit less than more – too many pretty eggs in your basket!
Specify clearly your selection criteria (social, moral, physical, etc.) and state anything that you may consider essential and/or unacceptable in those areas. Apart from letting your character/personality be known, this also serves the purpose of culling the chaff from your respondents and explaining implicitly your possible lack of reaction to some of them.
Specify your main interests/hobbies – this may attract the attention of equally minded Eastern Women, as well as discourage incompatible ones from different backgrounds.
Attach recent photos showing you in natural situations and surroundings – so they know what they will be letting themselves in for. It may also be a good idea to present the narrative parts of your profile ALSO in Russian – preferably translated by a professional – to ensure that their basic message may be understood even by the less foreign-fluent Eastern Women.
Some “brotherhood of men” members have also been successful in their quest for a soul mate after placing an advertisement in a former Soviet Union country’s Eastern women’s Paper/magazine. You should either know Russian to do this adequately or enlist the assistance of some native Russian speaker. This will also help you read and ‘interpret’ the replies you may receive.
You may also consider placing your profile on social networks such as Facememoir and its Russian equivalent, Odnoklassniki. Although conceived initially for finding and contacting former schoolmates, they are fast becoming alternative venues to meet and socialize with people from all over the world like other social media.
Most Eastern women usually interpret it as appearing gross. This may also attract treasure-hunters.
If you posted your profile on an International Marriage Broker Website – or placed an ad in a former Soviet Union country’s Eastern women Paper/magazine – chances are that you may be selected by an Eastern Woman rather than the other way round, i.e., you may receive a ‘feeler’ or a letter inviting you to further communications.
Some “brotherhood of men” members met and were eventually happily married to Eastern women who took the initiative of contacting them first.
If you did not post any profile but nevertheless receive emails directly in your Inbox, it may mean that your address was sold by some unscrupulous operator to some unscrupulous International Marriage Broker engaged in mass-mailing, or it was acquired by some savvy Eastern women, usually young, who monitor chat groups.
On this subject, the deductions from the experience of a “brotherhood of men” member are worth noting. These enterprising Eastern Women and their IMBs should be considered carefully before replying enthusiastically, since this flattering technique is typically used by scammers and dishonest IMBs.
Scammers and Other Perils
Scammers are female con-artists who entice men to send them money using scarcely credible motivations. A famous example being the so-called Nigerian scammers, purporting to be the widows/daughters of a formerly important but deceased African personality with millions of $ stashed away in some bank. A situation requiring the cooperation of a foreigner to free that deposit from its deplorable legal constrictions – this, however, requires a small advance expenditure.
Eastern women scammers are less ‘ambitious’ than their Nigerian sisters. They rely on the gullibility of those Western men who will believe that a usually young and good-looking girl may fall desperately in love with them after the exchange of an Eastern woman’s letters. This she believes will justify her asking for some money in order to fly the soonest to her dream man, get a visa, pay for correspondence translations or sudden medical emergencies befalling her or her dear mother – just to mention a few of the typical excuses offered to separate you from your money.
We hope we have helped you in your quest and pointed out some important issues you need to be aware of when dealing with IMBs. In Part 3, we give more advice about dating Eastern European women, including best practices for communicating, and the meet up with your future bride.
References
[1] https://rapidvisa.com/imbra/
[2] https://foreign-brides.net/guides/mail-order-bride-definition
[3] Age Gap Trap: Beautiful Ukrainian Girls – UkraineDating.ca[4] https://tradingeconomics.com/czech-republic/fertility-rate-total-births-per-woman-wb-data.html
